Friday, June 5, 2009

Just Can't Get it Together, Man...

Arrrrgh. Scattered. Scattered all over the place. Little bits of me here and there, like confetti.

I have sat down on three separate occasions to write blog posts this week...but to no avail. Some shiny object will catch my eye, and off I wander onto the next half completed project.

I wanted to write about the DH being away again, and how when he is gone I am filled with a breathless longing and an aching incompleteness. And I wanted to write about the consuming sweetness of his return, and how after almost 14 years of marriage, I still blush when he smiles at me that certain way.

I wanted to write about this new creative stage that I find myself at regarding art. I think I've outgrown my art infancy and am beginning my toddlerhood. I want to walk on my own! I want to do things my own way! Feeling a little obstinate and tantrum-y and ready to test these fledgling skills a bit as I strike out on my own...which means no more challenges for awhile. I don't need them right now. I need to do my own thing (what exactly that thing will be remains to be seen...).

I wanted to write about ASPERGERS. This entity, this label that is taking on titan proportions in our lives. Getting diagnoses (because there has been ADHD, GAD and OCD too) for our sons has been a bit like finding the Rosetta stone. Now we understand so much better, not only about them, but a lot about myself and my own childhood as well, but it also feels like a heavy weight at times. Hard not to lose sight of the fact that there is really nothing "wrong" with them. I love them just as they are. I always knew they were different, but to me it was the other kids that seemed dull in comparison. My boys were like rockets in a room full of horse drawn carriages! Now as we try to navigate the machinations of The System (oh no, not The System!!!), in order to obtain services and supports that will benefit them, it is hard not to absorb that view of them being ill, disabled or just generally less than. And school, stupid, stupid school exacerbates that feeling as well. School is not a place where kids with intense noise sensitivities, difficulty processing verbal instructions and a tendency to get quickly overwhelmed by too much social stimulation can thrive, no matter how smart they are. We are in survival mode until the end of June, when we can drop kick this year back from whence it came, and get on with the business of letting them be who they are and feel good about it over the summer.

Home schooling is on my mind again...

And speaking of summer...our local farmer's market begins again this weekend. Yay! I love that farmers market with all my little heart. Fresh organic, locally grown produce, honey, crafts, flowers, music, friendly it. Other summer plans include zoo camp for the boys, some time spent with my Mom, Dad and the Dancing Queen and possibly a trip to Alberta ("I want to see mountains again, Gandalf!")...but only possibly. That's a lot of driving. We need to see where the boys are at after they've had a few weeks out of school to decompress, and make our choice from there.

And speaking of Gandalf... (see this is how it goes...shiny object to shiny object. I should do a straight up stream of consciousness post one of these days and really scare all you lovely readers away! ;) Still reading LotR to the boys. We are up to the part where Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli first encounter the riders of Rohan. E&L have hung in there for every song and poem, and every bit of topographical description so far, even though I offered to skip over them if they would like (even I, can find 4 paragraphs about the lay of the land a bit trying, when I just want to get on with the action of the story...I know, sacrilege!). But they are determined not to miss a word. E already says he may now like LotR as much as he likes Star Wars. That's my boy! Nerdy to the core, just like his parents.

And speaking of nerdy...oh yes, I am playing Sims 3 (because that's totally going to help with my attention span and productivity levels, right?). I mentioned to the DH that I wanted it and came home to find it sitting on my keyboard, all shiny and inviting...a surprise for me on a Tuesday for no good reason other than to spoil me, because that's how the DH rolls (awesome isn't he?). So far it is very amusing, and if you don't hear from me for awhile it's because I am very busy having my Sims call their Sim friends on their little Sim cell phones. ;) The irony inherent in playing Sims just never gets old does it?

Anyway, enough. Those are just a few pieces of the eddying swirls of confetti that make up my scattered brain and actions. Thank goodness for the approach of summer. I think the steadying effect of sunshine and blender drinks on the patio may be the only cure for me.


  1. thank you for sharing your soul beautiful!!

  2. Did I mention I love you and your family and you blog???? :)
    I'll see your scatterbrained and raise you my inner workings and we'll both have a laugh.
    Cue Jack Nicholson You can't handle the truth! In my head, lordy its so loud and busy I can hardly handle it. So nice to know kindred spirits abound.

    What magic with the stories and dreams of trips to the mountains. I'm getting passports filled out (year 3 in process!) for just that purpose. The Canadian Rockies are calling me very loudly! Anyway, everything you wrote makes perfect sense to me. I adore my DH and worry for my little aspies so much too. Life is sometimes too much, too bittersweet.
    Hang in there, it's almost summer. We're wrapping up finals week here, everyone's fried!!

  3. you blog.
    who's a spazzzz now???

  4. They have CELL PHONES!!!!! I WANT!

  5. @Tam Thank you so much, lovely lady. <3

    @Mel...Meli, Meli, much do I love that you are in this world, and that I am lucky enough to know you? Kindred spirits indeed. :) The "loud head" and the call to the mountains and everything! The Canadian Rockies are amazing. Go to Lake Louise fo' sho'!

    @elizabeth You have to get it. You just have to. You will LOVE it.

  6. That journal page is incredible!

    Thank you so much for the sweet comment on my blog. I'm not sure where that little painting is headed. I never really have an idea of what a finished piece will end up like. lol

    Have a great week! I hope your achoos are gone soon. ;)


  7. Your journal page is amazing! Sometimes my mind races around from thing to thing so fast even I can't keep up with it.

    PS - I hope you and the kids are feeling better. I laughed at your comment on Julie's site.

  8. "I think the steadying effect of sunshine and blender drinks on the patio may be the only cure for me."

    This is why we are kindred spirits, dear friend.

    A trip to the mountains?! Hoorah.

    And that painting? breathtaking. No, really. I actually gasped. The colours! The texture! The depth! Me likey.

  9. @K Thank you so much. If we do end up coming to AB, maybe we can arrange for some of those blender drinks together?

    @ Carmen and Janet Starting to feel much better today. Thanks. :)

  10. ah, the cool purples and the bits of woman (which I realize I believe is you) on both sides of the page. I especially love the light of the right and the dark of the left side -- it feels like a moving forward into a lighter place (not that the dark was so bad).

    I do love reading your blog as much as I enjoy the art, but am often at a loss for words in the shadow of your witty and articulate friends.

  11. I know that "loss for words" well. Feel it all the time myself too. But I do love your comments. :)


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