Wednesday, June 23, 2010

#20 Walls

#20 Not the best photo, but time is scarce today. Been thinking about various troubles, not necessarily my own, and about how life isn't meant to be easy and how no one's life is without its own particular set of complications. And about the foma (harmless untruths) we use to comfort and distract ourselves.

And Deb, if you are reading, that above there, is voluntary pink! Lookee thar, personal growth. ;)

Also, for those watching closely, yes I did skip a day yesterday. I took a sick day. Had an adverse reaction to a stoopid new birth control pill I was trying and was a very sick puppy for 24 hours or so. Much better today, and it is a good thing too because the DQ arrives in a few hours, and her number 1 concern is always "What's for supper???" ('omemade buns and 'amburgers if I can swing it)

Oh, and I finished the teacher journals! Will post pics tomorrow.


  1. pill popper! pill popper!!

    really reacted to this one. a bit of a banging-your-head-against-the-wall imagery, yes? the pink isn't precious here at all! more faded bloodstain. gory!

  2. oh my! i love this A LOT. Different than your usual style, yet awesome.

    Synchronicity shows its head again...because I have been thinking a LOT about how life really isn't easy, and why is that "fair?" THen I get told life is unfair, but why do we have to be ok with that, you know?

  3. Lovin' it! And now I must know how you did it. I looked up reeeeel close. Craig's "faded bloodstain" like Mel's smushed fuchsias. Can't make music without F sharp. Thought that wouldn't be lost on you. :-) deb

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  5. glad you are feeling better!! xx's

  6. hmmmm... I must mull over this idea that life isn't meant to be easy. I've just recently realized I'm primed and ready to be hurt. If life isn't meant to be easy, then surely I must stop taking it so hard. I need to look for the joy, the sincerity, and the kindness.

    This piece, my dear E, looks ruddy from crying, a bit bloodied, and tear streaked. Perhaps your pieces that move me the most are the ones that allow me to catch a glimpse of some part of myself.

  7. troubles of being human suck. this piece, is awesome. it really conveys trouble from first glance, but in a beautiful simple way. I am loving that you are embracing pink a bit! it's truly gorgeous E.

    sorry to hear about the adverse reaction; hope your time with the DQ is great - of course it will! tell her the internet says hi to her! Hi DQ!

    loving the art, girl. keep using it to get the emotions out and out of the way. hugs.

  8. Thank you very much, and am feeling much better now. This one is a departure for me, but I like. More in this vein may be coming.

    And First, your comment moved me. Knowing the road that you have been walking in recent months, suffering and trouble and the unease of life aren't just some abstract concepts to ponder, it is one foot in front of the other through some very, very hard days.

    "If life isn't meant to be easy, then surely I must stop taking it so hard. I need to look for the joy, the sincerity, and the kindness."

    This is the heart of the philosophies floating around in my brain. I find great freedom in the idea of accepting that life isn't meant to be easy. Suddenly a setback, an illness, a loss isn't the end of the world, but part of the natural order and I can keep going and find joy and worth in life no matter what. I am not really brave enough for this philosophy. It scares the shit out of me. This idea of looking at suffering straight on and not turning away, but I feel that therein lies the truth of the human experience. We are so coddled and have such a sense of entitlement here in North America that sometimes when we come smack up against time and chance or death or violence or failure or plain, old bad luck we crumble. It is so unexpected. We can't wrap our heads around it. And why is it so easy for us to assume that we must be immune to hard times if we make the right choices, eat the right foods, get the right education, believe in the right gods (or self help books), but to accept on the other hand the unimaginable suffering of a kid starving in Africa or being raped in a tent camp in Haiti or horribly abused on a Northern reserve? The smugness of it all just kills me. No, to live is to experience pain, disappointment, grief and life is unfair (if you were born in North America you have already won the global lottery, there is no two ways around the disparity). This needs to be accepted, so that the joy and triumph and pleasure that life is also rich with (saturated with, dripping with!) gets to be experienced in its fullness. Otherwise you are just wrapping the whole thing in a big, dulling wad of denial like cotton batting, and you will always be missing a certain depth of truth and understanding...however, like I said, am I really brave enough to do this?

    Oh blah. How much sense does this make? I don't know. But I send you my love FoM, and I send you my ardent belief that although life isn't easy, it is so dripping wet with humour and fun and love and beauty that it is richly, deeply worth every second.

  9. that makes perfect sense. its like you are in my brain! You are farther along the "acceptance train" than I am. i have been struggling with this concept for a long time, and just can't really get my head around it. Something you said here though where if we don't accept the unfairness of life, we will miss a certain depth of truth and understanding. Profound. And probably so very true.

  10. I am so glad that I am making sense to someone, Dawn. :) Goodness knows there are days when I make no sense to myself! I am still not too far along the acceptance road myself. I can talk big, but then when I have a difficulty in my own life the fear takes over and I want to sit on the floor and cry in self pity and anger like a thwarted toddler, but I am working on it. I do feel like if I can eventually get to that place of more peace, than fear and struggle that it will be beautiful...but yes, work in progress and slow progress (for which I am thankful, I don't want a crash course in tragedy thrown at me!). So maybe I will be very, very zen when I am 90...


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