Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Tide Goes Out


I have been on an almost manic upswing lately. Ideas for things I want to write or paint or cook or do coming at me so thickly I'm almost having to swat them out of my way as I walk, and untangle them from my hair at night. Life has been thick with inspiration, vibrating with it, and I've had the energy and joy to receive it. Writing, reading, painting, journaling and yes, actually finding some time to take care of my children and get some pesky practical stuff done in between times.

But are you noticing the past tense? starting. to. come. down.

I am an ebb and flow kind of gal, and I'm starting to ebb. Is it the time of month? (hmmmm...note to self, check calendar) Or am I just a little raw and ragged from starting too many new things at once? Or maybe just plain, old fashioned tired?

In the past couple of days I have talked anxious, angry children down off figurative ledges more times than I'd care to recall (look under "meltdowns" on any reputable autism site if you must have more info on that one), baked cake for another kid's birthday (not my own), arranged for one son to attend aforementioned kid's birthday sleepover...his first sleepover, which included disseminating novel sized amounts of information to the other parents on anaphylactic allergies and all the attendant worry, and consoled the uninvited son by creating a similar party for him at home. I've shopped, cleaned, drawn, painted, volunteered at school and started a new story. I've talked to disgruntled substitute teachers, chatty delivery people, weeping children (also not my own), annoyed art instructors, phone solicitors, nice people with thick accents, who I feel bad about not understanding and debated endlessly, ENDLESSLY with my kids (endlessly!). Yeah, I am tired. That particular brand of mom tired, where if one more person needs one more thing from you this night, you are going to throw back your head and howl.

So ebbing tonight...but that's OK. I need to come down a little, take it down a couple of gears from the manic, driven creativity, finish the projects that I've already started, turtle a little socially... (holy mixed metaphors, Batman! I'm the tide. I'm a race car. I'm a turtle. I'm a fig...I am tired, I'm allowed!)

Anyway, plans for the evening include:
-a very, very hot shower
-a huge mug of decaf Earl Grey tea
-watching a trashy masterpiece theatre adaptation of Wuthering Heights (*sigh* Oh, Heathcliff!)
-followed by a little "A Confederacy of Dunces"
-and sleep, sleep beautiful sleep

7 comments:

  1. ebb and flow. i always have a tough time. it leaves me wringing my hands with guilt over not being disciplined enough. fah! discipline is for dominatrixes. dominatrixi? domini?

    aunt flo in town? that's enough, then. get into that fig turtle racecar and ebb away, sister. i, on the other hand, have to go bash my forehead into my piano. all for the sake of art. all for the sake of flow.

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  2. a ha! best comment evah!

    Yes, discipline is for dominatrixi (really should be a word!), and while I admire people who can keep plugging away steadily at things, that is just not me. I'm all ebb and flow, hot and cold, Japanese soup and cheetos.

    Keep bashing away at that piano. (although forehead first does seem like an unconventional way to play?)

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  3. And no aunt flo...

    You impertinent thing, you! ;)

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  4. amazing picture, btw. is that husband's work? perhaps more encouragement in this area is warranted..?

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  5. Yes, husband very talented with camera in hand. He seems to have a natural ability with it.

    Hoping that a much better camera for him will be in the budget in the next couple of years.

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  7. I love you guys! The both of you. I don't know which is better--the post or the comments! Fig turtle racer! Hilarity!

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