|12cm x 12cm , mixed media on watercolour paper|
I've been depressed. I haven't wanted to admit it. Haven't wanted to look it in the face, much less talk about it. I've been hoping it would fade away if I ignored it, like the seasonal slump I get almost every year dissipates when the sun finally comes out again after the long winter. But the season changed and the sun came out and I still felt like my insides were made of wood or tin or nothing...hollow and dull. Still felt like I was listening to the world from a thousand miles away, with water and cotton and mud in my ears, and my brain.
Nothing happened. I am not bummed or scared or stressed about any particular thing (perhaps an accumulation of stresses). Just taking no interest in the things that usually bring me joy (art, friends, books, cooking), and feeling numb and exhausted with every effortful step.
So finally I realized it was going nowhere, and admitted the "d" word to myself, and spoke it out loud to the people I love, and made a plan to actively work towards feeling better.
I am happy to report the plan is working.
The joy is beginning to seep back in, slowly, up through the roots, and the leaves begin to unfurl one at a time.