Heroics

The picture was taken whizzing along the highway at 110km as we made our way to the DQ's surprise b-day party. 10 hours of driving there and back in 24 hours, but worth every minute. Everyone should get a moment in life to be the hero. On Saturday I had my moment. I was the DQ's hero. She didn't just hug me when she saw me, she bellowed my name with ear drum-shattering gusto, launched herself into my arms and tackled me to the ground! She was flabbergasted and overjoyed. (how often do you get to use both of those in a sentence? Nice.) And how good did it feel to be me in that moment?

Pretty damn good. Pretty damn good, indeed. :)

The DQ has a friend now, for the first time in her life. He is like 6'4" and thin as a rail, and she is about 4'9" and a little on the plump side. They look like a string bean and a pea side by side, but they have the most wonderful, simpatico energy. They both love dogs and food, and approach life with pure, undiluted enthusiasm. He was every bit as excited as she was, as she opened each of her gifts.

"Look, look the Disney Princess calendar comes with a DVD Rom! A DVD ROM!"

And then they would both lean over the gift, oohing, aahing and exclaiming "that's wonderful! how wonderful!", and grinning big gleaming grins that enveloped the whole room. For the DQ to have a friend and a peer (he has his own special needs too), is an answer to wishes and prayers. Won-der-full!

Since we've been home it has been a flurry of activity. Elizabeth arrived Monday morning, but it seems we've barely had a chance to visit...so many loose ends to tie up for the big day, BUT yesterday we made unbusy time for a nice dinner out, and an afternoon making gingerbread. It was supposed to be gingerbread house making time, but the boys had other ideas...


I'm always happy to break with tradition for something even better! The boys want me to publicly acknowledge that they did not make Princess Leia in the metal bikini, that was all me. ;) Tonight we had more unbusy time to go to a local Christmas light display.

And we are so close...2 more sleeps. I hope you are all well, and full of wholehearted enthusiasm for anything and everything good in your life. Watching the DQ and her buddy on Saturday, I kept thinking that if we could just bottle that unbridled joy, and unquestioning, uncomplicated pleasure in the satisfaction/excitement/comfort of this one particular moment that we are in right now as we live it, the world would be a far, far better place.

Merry Christmas!

Buoyant

Today life seems very, very good. I mean this week, and yesterday in particular was full of worries and struggles...but it doesn't seem to matter, does it?

Life is good.

I wish I had time to make art today, because I am so in that mood. But today is another full day. Christmas prep and packing for a short, crazy, lotsa driving, one overnight trip that we are about to take to surprise someone very, very special for her birthday.

I did however, finish one slap and dash journal page.



No words. I think I may add some at some point, but for now it speaks of my mood. The warm splashes of colour, the rough texture, the haphazard, spontaneous, messiness...because that's life, right? One person screws you over, but the next is unbelievably kind, one hour finds you rejoicing and the next tearing at your hair in frustration...the light and the dark. And this Christmas feels like a lesson in both...my husband's work BFF was just diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease, our neighbour and her children are spending their first Christmas since they lost father and husband to lung cancer...but then there are new babies and birthday surprises and big, big boxes under the tree and Candy Cane Cupcakes...



And that's what it is, both, chiaroscuro...light and dark, buttercream and bullshit. Right now, today, I just feel unbelievably lucky. This season is fairly bursting with treats and love and things to look forward too. There have been some trying moments this week, but I seriously just couldn't keep myself down if I tried.

Life is good.

PS Only 7 more sleeps.

Nuts

Yeah, nuts. And rats, and dammit and bloody hell and dammit all to hell. (nice beginning to a Christmas post isn't it? but such is life...chiaroscuro, remember?)

So Sunday we did our annual nut factory thang. We individually scrubbed, cracked, blanched, roasted and ground enough nuts for Panforte, Linzer sables and Baklava. It took us four hours, but that was OK, we watched all the extras on my new HP and the Half Blood Prince DVD (man, did they ever flub the ending!) and laughed and joked, broke two nut crackers and generally had a pleasant time. It is quite literally a labor of love, which always makes a repetitive, time consuming job seem so much less tedious (like most of motherhood!). We do all of this meticulous nut preparation so that our son Liam, who is allergic to peanuts, but not tree nuts can share in these special Christmas treats. Almost all nuts that you can purchase have been cross contaminated with peanuts during processing, therefore in order for us to have "safe" ground walnuts for the Baklava we have to scrub, crack and grind those puppies ourselves. This has been something special we do, just at Christmas, so that our sons can have a taste of foods that are otherwise off limits.

Yesterday, using the fruits of our labors, I made the Panforte (with homemade candied citrus peel too, these are also usually cross contaminated with peanuts), and proudly presented my family with a slice of the finished product after dinner.


It was very good. Rich, sweet, chewy. Yum.

Shortly after consuming his piece, Elliot started complaining of an "itchy tongue", after another few minutes his face had broken out in hives. Yes, he had an allergic reaction. This is our son without nut allergies. Who outgrew an early peanut allergy and is required to eat peanuts on a regular basis to keep his immune system recognizing that they are not a threat. Who was down to only one food allergy to eggs, much to our grateful relief (even though it is a severe allergy, it is so much easier to deal with than his brother's complicated list of multiple anaphylactic allergies).

*groan*

The reaction was not life threatening, but it was still very scary. He has obviously developed a new allergy to hazelnuts or almonds. I want to cry. I just want to cry.

The chances had looked pretty good for E outgrowing his food allergies. Over half of children with food allergies do. This would have meant him not having to wear his epi belt (containing a syringe of life saving epinephrine) everywhere he goes, not having to be scrupulously careful about every morsel of food that goes in his mouth or even what he touches, being able to get fast food, go to the movies, go to a birthday party without all the preparation and planning normally required...in other words a chance to be more of a regular kid, a chance to drop the constant vigilance surrounding food and have so much less of a burden on his small shoulders (because worrying about dying if you eat the wrong thing is a lot for a kid to carry). Our hopes for L outgrowing anaphylaxis are tiny to non-existent, he is simply that much more allergic, but things were looking good for E...until yesterday...developing a new allergy at 9 years old points in the opposite direction.

Did I mention I want to cry?

10 more sleeps until Christmas...and I am off to very carefully, and rather joylessly bake those Linzer sables and Baklava that I prepped for yesterday, which will be eaten with furtive caution only by the grown ups. (will be making a safe version of the Linzers for E & L with regular eggless sugar cookie dough)

Heaven Smells Like Gingerbread

This post is coming at cha 3 days later than intended. As my tweeps and gerds already know, I had a computer meltdown. The dreaded BSOD upon startup. Lucky for me, as well as being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking (*blue steel*), my husband has mad computer skillz. I am now back up and running, with no data loss (haven't backed up in about 4-5 months, bad me). Thank you DH!

The silver lining in having my beloved laptop down for several days was that my productivity increased by at least 60%. It is amazing how much you can get done without the constant distraction of twitter, email, blogland etc. Presents were wrapped, banisters were swathed in garlands and twinkle lights, cards were written, packages packaged, and I baked 1 million dozen gingerbread cookies (possible slight exaggeration), and a few dozen Brandy Snaps.

Gingerbread cookies are our staple Christmas treat. I make scads, leaving them plain without icing or candies, figuring that way the boys can have them as snacks throughout December without wreaking too much havoc on themselves nutritionally. Really they are not so bad, much lower in fat and sugar than most other cookies, with some iron from the molasses...it could be worse. And the smell of them while baking! It's everything good about home and Christmas and warm things made with love. Yay!


I use the same gingerbread recipe as my Grandmother used. Our only generational Christmas recipe, because after long years of not keeping Christmas most of our traditions are ones we've started from scratch in recent years. I use this recipe in its original form, which for me is huge. I tweak and adjust and substitute ingredients with wild abandon when I'm in the kitchen, but this recipe was already perfect. Simple, trustworthy, and versatile in texture (can be hard and strong for gingerbread houses or soft and chewy depending on baking time and storage).

Our Gingerbread

1 1/2 c. molasses (I use a combo of Blackstrap and lighter cooking molasses)
1c. lightly packed brown sugar
2/3c. cold water
1/3c. butter (or Earth Balance margarine to make them vegan)
7c. unbleached all purpose flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. ground dried ginger
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp each of allspice, cinnamon and cloves

Cream butter and sugar together. Add molasses and water, mix well. Combine dry ingredients, and add slowly. Cover and chill 2 hrs. Roll out as desired. Bake 10-12 min @ 350F on parchment lined baking sheets.

The fresher the spices the better, and do "fluff up" your flour with a fork before measuring. This makes a lot of rather heavy batter, using a stand mixer is best, but if you have to hand mix enlist the help of someone strong. And yes, you should chill the dough, but if you are impatient/rushed like I often am, it is workable right away (at least it is in a cool house).

Hope everyone's holiday prep is going well. 13 more sleeps!

Cookie, Cookie, Cookie Starts With C

As of yesterday the first tins of cookies are stashed away in the downstairs freezer, far away from hungry little hands (can hands be hungry? sure they can, absolutely). These are not the first cookies I've made this season, just the first to make it unmolested into my "For Christmas" stash.

I made Tiffany Snowflakes, which turned out a bit wonky and crooked and my perfectionism was getting all in an uproar, until I realized that my cutter must have gotten squished in the drawer causing the cutouts to be all out of alignment, so I shrugged and made them as purty as I could anyway. I am no great shakes at detail work to begin with...all thumbs, always will be, so I have learned to embrace a certain amount of wonkiness over the years. It adds character, right?



Then I made Spicy Chocolate Love Cookies. Yeah, baby! What do you think Santa will put under your tree if you leave him some of these on Christmas Eve? Something a little naughty, no doubt. ;)



Close up food porn shots:





Mmmmmmm...oh yeah...baby...that's just how I like it. The recipe is a tweaked version of these lovely ones on Luna Cafe.

16 more sleeps...

17 More Sleeps

Stuff to do, stuff to do...but fun stuff, so the list may be lengthy, but it is chock full of crafty, baking, anticipatory goodness. So I am still vibing with the Christmas spirit!

Yesterday I made Christmas crackers.



We have always been disappointed in the lame-o little plastic doohickeys found in even the most high end crackers we've bought. Feels like a waste of money and materials. So this year I thought I'd take a whack at making my own personalized crackers with cool surprises in them. I found a few instructions online on how to make them and was all ready to roll, but then couldn't find the snap strips around here (all sold out). Not to be deterred I bought the cheapest crackers I could find, planning to take out the snap strips and discard the rest to make my own (bad, wasteful, I know), but instead discovered I could ease the cheap ones open, replace the insides with my own prizes and then put them back together and cover with some beautiful embossed Christmas paper I found. So much easier than my original plan (and less wasteful!). And voila our own personalized Christmas Crackers!

These are going to look oh, so nice on our Christmas table, and that embossed paper is going to be recycled into some art at some point (it is thick and shiny and has wonderful raised textures front and back).

OK, gotta go bake.

Polar Express Pulls Out of the Station

That's it. I woke up this morning, and it is ON. I am in that mood, you know, the carol humming, glowy-eyed, "I can't wait for Christmas" kind of mood! Not that I haven't been all full of joyful anticipation thus far, but as of this morning I am full on, full steam ahead until Krees-muss.

Maybe it's because as I stirred the boys' oatmeal, with my right arm (woohoo!), I realized that my shoulder is showing improvement. A downgrade from nauseous, cold sweat pain to a nagging, uncomfortable kind of pain, and as my fellow shoulder-suffering sisters can attest, that's huge! So encouraging.

Maybe it's because we got our first Christmas cards and packages in the mail. I love getting Christmas cards!

Or maybe it's the first gingerbreads having been made (and quickly consumed!), or watching the boys open up their first week of advent surprises. We got them Lego advent calendars this year, and you'd think we had roped them the moon! The excitement is palpable when they open the little door to find the Lego behind it every day, and 19 more days to look forward to.

Could be talking to the DQ on the phone every day, often multiple times a day. No one loves Christmas as much as that girl. It just isn't possible. She is positively brimming with the cheer...overflowing, overjoyed! It's impossible to be jaded around that type of wholehearted enthusiasm, you just gots to let go of the worry, the long to do list, the blasé grown up attitude and dig in.